The Song Of a BreakUp
by song of a break up
Summary: Bella is left by her first love Mike,Jake healed her after but she became a serial cheater and made an obsession out of Mike,when Edward comes everything changes.Will Jake let go of Bella so easily,will Edward be strong enough to protect her from herself?
1. Prelude

**This is my first try at a fanfic and it is dedicated to my favorite author here, Burntcore.**

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**Prelude**

I obviously stopped counting the nights i spent eyes wide open , 4 months ago. I have always been the one with some sleeping problems as long as i knew , but i never considered myself an insomniac. Before. Now I'm seriously considering it. The thing is i don't really feel worn out or tired during the day. But when i place myself on this huge bed -which used to be a happy place for me - all of the exhaustion come creeping on me. Once again i find my mind too busy with the images i collected through the day. And dammit i can't even control the images. It would be a lot better if my mind stopped showing me the most unpleasant things. If my mind were a jukebox and the memories were records, some of them would be burned to ashes by now, but I'm not that lucky.

As soon as i realized tonight-or should i say today- won't turn out as an exception , i sat on the bed and set my food on the ground, placed my both hands at my side- bad thing about insomnia it keeps you dizzy through the night- then i combed my hair with my hands. even before i realize i found myself erect before the bed. Walked the room to the window walls, i placed both my hands on the cold glass. There was a fire in me and i hoped it would help me ,but trying to put up a fire inside with a cold thing doesn't really help. Music would really help at this moment but the stereo was on the other side of the apartment. And i really didn't want to wake him.

I started observing the street beneath me. Everything seemed so small from this height. and i guessed almost everyone i knew was asleep at this hour. I got closer and closer until my nose hit the glass. I was too unaware of the physical world around me when images started floating before my eyes again ,then a dog barked and then another. It caught me off-guard that i almost screamed. If someone was watching me behind my back that someone could think that I'm afraid of my own reflection on the window.

It was before i felt his breath along my neck, he carried my hair there to my other shoulder, and wandered his index finger around the spot where my shoulder and my neck meets. He traced the line along my collarbones with feather light kisses and to end this symphony ,he planted a final kiss on my shoulder. All i could do was to watch his face when he's doing all of these through the reflection. But i didn't fight when he pulled my nightgown down with his teeth, one strap at a time. Now the only thing was holding it there was my breasts and with a quick touch it can go all the way and he knew it.

_-Stop!_

_-No, don't stop, please don't!_

_- I need to tell you something!_

_- No, you feel so good in everywhere you touch._

_- Enough! _

_- Why is your skin always this warm?_

_-Could you hate me if i teold you the truth?_

All these sentences were stuck between my lips and he was keeping them too busy to talk. What i thought in that 3 or 4 minutes was almost a battlefield of my thoughts. I wanted him to stop right there and call me every bad name in every language ,that i deserved , I needed him to say those to curse me ,to free himself of the burden that i created. I needed him to say that i don't deserve noone in this world , don't deserve to be loved by a good man like him- probably the best i knew- that I'm only a piece of rancid meat and have no respect of other people's lives, that i almost ruined his ,too. And after that order me to leave this apartment in that exact moment. I imagined him throwing my stuff out of the window , they'd be flying everywhere til they reach the ground from 25th floor. But i couldn' imagine his face angry with me .

But another side of me - which i have too many- wanted him to never stop holding me like this and heal me again in his own way. Like he always did without even a clue of who wounded me this time. He never knew what hurt me so much that some nights i curl into a ball on the bed and won't stiffen until he held me in his embrace and whispered sweet things to my ear. I loved him in my own way , an he loved in every way possible without asking questions ,without capturing me. I always wondered if he knew my ways, if he knew that my body didn't belong to him in the regular way ,that i shared it with strangers almost every night , only because of an obsession that my mind created after a huge depression.

This side of me wanted him to keep what he's doing , hold me in his steel hard embrace , carry me to bed, and make love to me until i forget these things and in the ways that i only let him do.

I don't know which side of me conquered another but i kept my position and he took that as a yes as i felt his breath accelerate. His hands were moving down on my back in an almost musical way , he danced around my spine and took my nightgown with him as he moved down. He was never been the one to rip the clothes on me so he left it resting on my hips. He curled his hands around my waist this time tighter and held me close to him as my bare chest touching his smoldering skin. Then he took all the strands on my face and tucked them behind my ears to see me clearly but i couldn't look him in the eye. As i started o turn my head he placed his lips on mine in an almost urgent way and sent the gown to the floor with quick movement, then he cupped my hips lifted me and curled my legs around his waist.

He needed me to heal, he needed me to be at least OK, he didn't want to see me in that hole again. He needed me to be complete and i wanted him to do that.

The only thing between our skins was my panties so he removed it as the first thing as he carried us to the bed. Now his tongue was melting all my sour thoughts for another night and all i could think of was to respond him in moans.

Tonight he would completely heal me , tonight he would make me sleep again and tomorrow i won't cheat on him again.

I felt the glass jar that contains my sanity shatter and the with the white material in it started to destroy the insanity around , started to heal me in grey tones. It was when he made us one with him inside me and kissing me on all the places that keeps a door to my true soul. After it ended with both of our releases, he placed me on his chest and i hitched my leg around him.

Then the poisonous words came out.

- I cheated on you, Jake.

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**I don't own neither Jake nor Bella nor Edward they all are fruits of Stephenie Meyer's incredible mind. **


	2. The Break

I do not own Edward, Bella , Jacob or Mike. they're all magnificent Stephenie Meyer's.

Burntcore is still my fave author here.

special thanks to my buddy C for reading these.

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**The Break**

The words left my lips quicker than i thought , when they're done i was too dazzled to recover myself. I cursed myself in several languages i know.

He froze in his place , then his embrace became too tight and i felt him shudder in his chest under my head. He set me free of his arms but i didn't have the guts to look at his face, instead i watched his jaw, i watched it tighten and release with momentary intentions to speak, i watched the hesitation there. I pictured his face, it should be shifting colors, and after a few colors on his russet skin, he would speak and maybe he would order me to leave this apartment.

But he didn't. All of that i told happened between two ticks of a clock But as all we know sometimes seconds are too small to measure the events.

He started laughing hysterically and made the whole bed rumble with him. It was the point i realized he lost it. He started mumbling unintelligible things , i couldn't understand even a word from it. Then he said with an emotionless voice:

-Yes, you probably did ,but how? you sleep beside me every night.

_Not every night , and i don't really sleep at all _i thought to myself, as i was too disgusted in myself to talk. He continued his monologue, if i didn't know better I'd think he was talking to himself.

-No you didn't , is it's a joke please stop it,

He sat on the bed with sheets resting on his legs , placed his hands on his temples and stood still for almost 5 minutes. As he did the inner talking ,silence was killing me but i was too coward to talk. I was concerned beyond belief that i hurt him irreversibly. But i didn't have the right to feel guilty , it wasn't just once, if it were i could forgive myself ,even he could maybe. But i betrayed him more than once ,more than i can keep the track. My mind didn't even try to find some way to make this up or even make a movement. I sat there as still as a statue. Statue of a traitor. Statue of a weak creature.

And he stood as still as me beside ,but if i dare to compare us , i knew i would lose in every category. He was calm in his own way, as a person big as him can be. But he never was the one of his shape, he was the nicest man i know with the lightest touch a a hand like his can contain . And his hands were big, almost two times of mine. He was the statue of a man that lost the biggest war of his life.

It took him time to take it in and when he did he started asking questions.

-Once ?

I just made the movement with my head.

-How many times?

I didn't have the answer to that. i didn't know if it was better to tell the truth , but i already said too much. so why not go with the truth i said to myself and mumbled

-a-a lot..

A growl ripped from his chest but he was till calm on the outside. his face didn't carry any emotion. i held myself together with my arms and started moving forward and back absentmindedly, like a child who tries to protect herself from her nightmares.

-On this bed?

- N-no never.

-In this apartment

- Never. My voice started to come off as whispers.

-Do i know him?

-I-i don't think so.

He got up from the bed and walked to the exact spot where i stood about 20 minutes ago. When he turned around to face me finally there was anger on his face. I knew he went there to stop himself from hurting me, shrugging me to tell the truth. He was afraid of what he could hear, and he already started to shatter from inside. I was a murderer. He moved to the crucial question.

- Do you love him or should I've said them?

_Have i loved them?_ not in the slightest bit , i barely thought of them as human beings , they were just reminders of the men who left me with a part of them. Some of them smelled like him , some of them had the exact shade of hair he had , some of them were just looked like him or sometimes they were just strangers to soothe me.

I didn't love them. But i loved the man who left this scar deeply , deep enough to be hurt after him irreversibly , enough to be a slave to his memory.

- No, Jake i don't even remember the names.

I wasn't sure if it hurt less to be cheated on with someone i loved or be cheated on with random guys.

He raised his fist, i saw his knuckles went white as he try to hold himself together. He broke a few things close to him by throwing them to the wall beside him, as far as i see, it didn't help at all. He stopped himself before he destroy all the things breakable in the room.

- I don't have any word to say to you, I'm done. Oh, God it hurts. How could you , why would you? his words trailed off and started getting unintelligible.

He searched for his clothes and found them on the chair, got his car keys and his wallet from the drawer and left the room in his boxers. He hesitated for a second by the door , maybe because i didn't look at him or he really had no words to discuss , he left. I heard the door bang.

There i was left alone as i deserved, in the middle of a huge bed , naked.

And after four months of sleepless nights, and many years i spent half-asleep ,i felt the sleep creeping on me. I left myself on its hands and drifted off a sleep that held no dream.


	3. Meet Jacob Black

**A/N: Thanks again to Burntcore and C.**

**As you know i don't own the characters they're Stephenie's.

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**

**Meet Jacob Black**

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I didn't let myself think before I'm done dressing , I did the buttons of my blue shirt real slow and placed my keys , my wallet and my Blackberry to their usual pockets of my leather bomber jacket. I wore the socks, i was really impressed with myself for not forgetting to take them , and did my shoelaces after i placed my feet in both of the shoes. If i wasn't in a bad mood, i would be looking really good with the clothes on me. I knew there was a bottle of my favorite perfume in the trunk but i wasn't in the mood for that. As i was done, thoughts from every aspect invaded my head.

I don't know if I'm a fool for doing this but i was concerned about her, she could've done something bad to herself. _I may be the biggest fool on the face of earth_ I thought as I went over the things she said almost an hour ago, as I sat in my car.

_How can I not see the bad side of it?_

She slept with some random guys she picked up from bars or business dinners or maybe they were her clients from work. She slept with them without even the slightest thought of what it could do to me. How it would hurt me. I blocked the thought of her sighing another name than mine under a man that i didn't know. A man having sex with her in different positions. I blocked all the versions of this. I don't want to mess with the image of her that i held in the most hidden places of my being. I held another image of her than the image she shows to everyone. Somehow i thought i saw the true Bella in her all the time. I blocked all the thoughts of Embry telling me she was a major pain in the ass after he first met her. _He loved her afterwards fool_. They couldn't have seen this coming, I couldn't see this coming.

Actually I always knew something will happen someday and break us irreparably , when she came home shaken or when she sat on the bed trembling beside me. When i soothed to sleep or when she talked in her sleep- i never understood them though- , I always expected her to tell me something that I couldn't take. _You always knew that it's gonna be difficult with her_ my internal voice said. Yes I knew. She told me once that she has a perfect phrase to describe herself. "damaged good". But I took her in no matter what she said to persuade me not to. She even told me about the man that left her. It was a sentence every now and then, she couldn't talk about him even after all those years but by the sentences I collected I had a profile of him in my mind.

How can i still try to find excuses for what she did? How can i still try to find a way to forgive her? Why do I want to check on if she 's okay? Why is there still a part of me concerned to death about her well being?

Then I decided to clear my mind from these thoughts, _you gotta take 3 deep breaths_ I thoughts to myself, another and and other. after 30ish all i thought of was the air traveling in my lungs. I didn't realize i put my head on the wheel as i clutched both of my hands tightly around it. I stayed in that position for God knows how long and when i raised my head, I saw the sun on the horizon, then I saw the people in suits rushing around the parking lot, I watched a few as they started their cars, absentmindedly. _Good thing my windows are black or they would have thought someone has died from the look on my face_ ,I thought as I catch a glimpse of myself on the mirror.

As i took in that it's almost 7:30 AM all the thoughts I blocked came back rushing. is she okay? Did she do something dangerous to her?Even my mental voice was concerned. I startled at the mental image of her lying in a pool of blood poured from her wrists, on our bedroom floor. _OK, you gotta check her_, _you don't have to talk to her until you decide what to do about this whole situation. you will just check her and pretend that you forgot something and get out quickly_ i encouraged myself.

I startled the lady from the car next to me that was arranging something on her backseat , standing before the open door , she almost jumped from her feet when i opened the door of my Ferrari. i murmured and apology as i saw her getting ready for a squeak but she didn't say anything after she saw my face. _i look that bad_. i clicked the button of the key to the car in my pocket and walked to the building.

On my way upstairs in the elevator, I tried to calm myself with internal speech. But that didn't help at all, I couldn't block of her being not OK from my mind anymore. As i got to the floor 20 ,I rushed out of the elevator to the door of our apartment. I quickly unlocked it and even before I realise started calling her name:

- Bella, Bella, where are you?

Started checking the bathrooms, and found her on our bed clutched to herself like a little kid, I saw the peaceful look on her face. She turned to face me as i continued calling her name but she just hummed something unintelligible and didn't open her eyes.

_You see, she's asleep like a baby. she's OK._

_She has the guts to sleep this peacefully after she ruined you._

_Maybe she should have been the one to be concerned, maybe you are the one in danger of committing suicide. _

These were the examples of the sentences of two sides of my thoughts. They continued fighting as I walked to the kitchen ,poured myself a glass of water and drank it in one sip. I saw my knuckles tremble, if I held the glass a little bit longer it would be in pieces piercing my palm. After i left the kitchen, on my way to the door, I caught a glimpse of my i pod standing on the counter next to the door, I took it in my hand and left the apartment.

When it got in the elevator there was noone there because we were on the top floor. I placed the ear buds in my ears as the music started, I skipped a few songs then decided to stop it. But I didn't remove the buds. On 17th floor two women got on. The ones that always eat me with their eyes. They didn't prove me wrong ,I could sense their piercing looks on my back as they started talking about me as I wasn't even there, _Hey! I can hear you! ,_then I noticed I still had the ear buds on and they thought I couldn't hear them.

-Isn't this Jacob?

- Oh my God! check his face from the mirror.

- Maybe he killed that cold stuck statue of a woman.

- You're evil. ha ha ha.

- She must have done something really bad, he loves that B- B-what's her name-Bella woman, he didn't even notice we were there when she's around.

- How can someone do something bad to him ? If he were my man I would let him even kill me.

- I hope he dumped her.

- That way we can get our hands on him.

- He's mine.

- No, He's mine!

After that I tried the ignore the whole conversation, they started giggling like middle schoolers- _they were grown women in their mid twenties for God's sake_- , I stopped myself from swearing at their stupidity out loud. They weren't even in the same league as Bella.

-_ The woman that can sleep after telling you she slept with a hundred or whatever guys. _

-_ Shut up! _

- Look at me, I'm sexier than her, she has a chest like a blackboard I have D-cups.

- Maybe he loves broad-chested woman.

- Whatever, I have longer legs.

- Yeah, yeah you're perfect Jessica. But he's a level higher than perfect.

- Don't turn this into a bet Lauren, you know I'll get in his pants quicker than you.

- Make it 100 bucks. I'm in.

- I'll have him in their apartment.

- Yeah sure.

I left the elevator disgusted , Embry would have a heart attack if he were me in that elevator. He would be flattered and turned on to death and would talk about it whole day. That was how my business partner and my best friend was. He would probably turn around to face the women and have sex with them right there.

I walked a faster pace than their high heeled knocks on the floor and before they could talk any further about the positions to turn me mad, I was next to my car. As i got on the -black miracle of a car- I thought of somewhere to go, _definitely not the office_. Then i decided to call my secretary, to tell her that I'm not coming today.

- Good morning, Mr. Black!

- Good morning Leah, Hey I'm not coming today, cancel all my appointments, we'll reschedule later.

- But sir, you have the lunch with European guys today.

- Tell Embry to go to our lunch with our guests from Europe alone. Call Mr. Aetera -the new manager- too , he can accompany him.

- OK Mr. Black is everything allright, you don't sound fine?

- Yeah, i guess so.

- Excuse me, sir?

- Yeah, I'm OK Leah.

- Then see you tomorrow Mr. Black I'll call you if anything important happens

- Actually I'm gonna turn off my cell now, contact Embry instead of me today.

- But Mr. Black, O-OK then . Have a good day , sir. Say hi to Miss Swan!

- Thank you Leah.

_Thank you for reminding me Leah. I almost forgot the name of the woman that cheated on me!_

Before she could babble about anything else dangerous I hung up the phone. I was on a car that is capable of taking me to anywhere in half the time than most of the people's cars, but had nowhere in mind to go. I started the car and drove out of town.


	4. Lady Lazarus

Finally the fourth chapter is here and they get longer and longer. for you to visualize things easier I posted some links to my page, check them out:)

Usual thanks to Burntcore and my buddy C. And everyone who reads my stuff. The title is dedicated an artist that I truly admire.

And one last thing, our beloved Edward is gonna be in the next chapter.

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Lady Lazarus

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**  
4 Months Ago**

I woke up to a very disturbing sun after probably a very short termed sleep, but I wasn't having any quality sleep in a very long time so even that felt good. The sun was so strongly bright that ,I could even see it behind my eyelids. I tried to shut them tighter make the sleep last longer but it sure didn't work . _Every good thing has an end_ said my internal voice about the sleep I had and I opened my eyelids to a fully orange room. Bedsheets, walls, furniture, all of them were the same tone of orange. It scared me first it was almost red but then I saw it's only sun that painted the room, originally it's all white. _What a boring choice of decoration. _As I thought about it a few clouds started filling the sky.

I watched the sun rise on the horizon for a couple of seconds ,over the bumps of my breasts and paint the clouds orange too. That cushion is really low, wait there is no cushion. _Oh, come on, you don't even have an extra cushion for ladies came over? And you wonder why they leave. _And I noticed there's nothing on my breasts to cover them. For a momentarily attempt I tried to cover them with my hands then I gave up. If I was naked in that moment and that someone beside me should've seen me like this already. I decided to get up from the bed but I gave up on the halfway to sit first , because my head was seriously dizzy. I held it between my hands on my temples for a second or two. When I lifted my head I could see the path that my clothes created. _What a cliché!_ The first step was my lace panties, and on the second step there laid my bra, and it went on with my ivory dress, a few bangles and on the last step there were my shoes. My gracious black crocodile booties. And that dress, I _loved that one_ but it seems it couldn't survive all the wine drinking from the bottle, it had a red stain almost the size of my hand on it. It didn't take me long to locate the bottle, it was on the drawer next to the bed. I shook the bottle to check if there's any left because it's the best medicine for a hangover. Nope, there wasn't any left. _OK I can live with that headache. I had worse. _

Then he breathed deeply almost shaking the bed , it scared the shit out of me. I turned my head to look and try to remember what his name was. I didn't succeed. I watched his huge muscular back for a second or two then he turned his front to me. It means he can wake up every minute.

One of my observations about men, they don't move in their sleep when they're really drunk , and when they start moving it means they're about to wake up. As I get every one of them drunk before taking them to bed I always take this as my cue to leave.

I get up to gather my clothes from the steps and wear them while going forward. When I'm fully clothed with even all the accessories I start to check the room for my bag. It isn't here, _shit I couldn't have lost another bag_. _And it's not just a bag ,people wait two months on the list to get one of them. _

It is really weird that my internal voice speaks like a drunk version of me , _guess you can even make your internal voice drunk, ha?_ My internal voice usually is the voice of a boring grown woman but now it belongs to an underage drinker, a very talkative one. I decided to check other rooms, I didn't know if there's any , I wasn't even sure if it's a hotel room or an apartment. I find my bag right next to the door. _Guess we were in a rush_. I check my phone and my wallet and the keys to my car, yep they're all safe. I go back to the bedroom to check if I left any proof there that I existed. then I catch a glimpse of my favorite ring a little under his side of the bed, I crawl next to him on my all fours, next to his alcohol flavoured breath and try to reach it. He talked without turning to face me:

- You can't be seriouuuus, you want another round nooow? No waaaay woman, I neeeeeed some sleeeep.

- No, I don't want another round now, actually I don't want another round ever again. From you.

He can't even open his eyes to react. And he was too drunk to catch the sarcasm. _S__tupid__ Bella you should leave soon, go on like this and tomorrow he'll be at your restaurant's door ,you can't leave any proof_. I checked other end of the bed and made the bed look like noone slept on my side ever before. I wasn't expecting him to forget having sex that night but I want to give the message that I don't wanna see him again in every way I can. I removed my lipstick stains on the mouth of the bottle . I checked the room for one last time, if I left anything, _nope not even a clue, if he didn't have a fingerprint set, he couldn't tell someone was here judging by the lack of proof_. He would remember bringing someone over but if he remembered he couldn't remember it was me. He had no contact information about me, he didn't even know my name. He only had my face behind a haze of alcohol.

As I closed the door behind my back really silently, I tried to remember the exact path of the things that happened and led me here last night. I don't usually get drunk with them, I don't really drink without Jacob with me or out of my comfort zones which are my apartment and my restaurant. I tried to relocate my car keys in my bag but I wasn't really hopeful about getting here with my car a few hours ago, we must have taken a cab or his car. Before I took the elevator, observe the place once again by the hall between the elevator and his door. It wasn't a hotel room anyways, and I tried to remember in which part of the city I was. The part I remembered was almost an hour away from our home.

I checked my phone for the time, it's almost 6 AM, Jacob should be up soon and started to think of how could I manage to go get my car from the parking lot of the hotel that my restaurant is located in, and get there in time? I should go home immediately and shouldn't talk about the car until he left for work, after he's out I can go get my car.

I walked out of the many doors of the building ,a suited doorman greets me on the last door with a huge smile on his face and a really loud "Good morning Miss", I greet him back and ask him if he could get me a taxi with my sweetest voice. I tried to avoid him and waited outside in the cold with no coat or anything to cover me. Taxi arrived in a few minutes and I told him the adress, he swore some unintelligible words about how far the address was but he quickly recovered himself and didn't get interested in me further on the way. I used the wet towels from my bag to remove the wine stain from my dress ,it made little help but it started getting smaller from the corners as the time went on.

It was before 6:45 AM when I got home, even though the complaints about the distance , there was no traffic at all at that hour of the morning and he drove really fast. When I left him 20 bucks as his tip ,he changed the directions of his complaints and I became the best person in the world. I thanked him not so politely in return of his early behaviour and rushed into the building, in the elevator I tried to comb my hair with my hands and used the travel sized perfume to cover the wine odor. I wasn't finished yet but elevator blipped to show we're on the top floor.

Before I left the elevator, I remove my boots and take them in my hands from their heels not to make any ticking noise on the granite floor. although he was a sound sleeper I unlocked the door without even hearing the noise myself and left my bag and shoes on their usual spots, quickly changed into my nightie and gathered my hair around in a top knot, but not too tidy to give the impression it was freshly made. Removed my make up quickly and didn't forget to hide the ivory dress. I thought I hid all the traces.

After a quick glance to the room I slid into the bed next to Jacob, it was warm as always. I wanted to cuddle him but disgusted from thought of myself to touch him with another man's scent on me, he wouldn't probably notice but to my nose I reeked. He didn't move or showed any sign that he knew I was there. So I placed my hands under my head and started thinking, trying to remember how things went exactly.

I remembered myself sitting on one of the barstools on the bar area of my restaurant, La Tua Cantante, mostly known as LTC, with my openly gay bartender Alec serving me drinks. He was going on and on about some guy who just got the job in the front desk of the hotel that my restaurant's located in, that I could picture the guy completely without even seeing him in flesh What was his name? Felix or something. Then came Jane, Alec's sister and one of the cattiest women I know, I don't know why I hired her for maître d'hôtel position other than her being very good at her job, _she's extremely good at herding people_. I don't know if it's about her creepy eyes or the tone of her voice but people obey her without hesitation. Even Alec being older than her ,treats her like she's a queen.

As far as I remember I only drank water in a martini glass, it was a trick that I used to give the impression I drank too, to encourage customers and potential company for the night. A guy with blue eyes and a matching blue suit came and ask me if he could buy me a drink, apparently he didn't know I was the owner of this bar. He could buy me one, he could buy me a thousand, in the end the money goes into my pocket. But I didn't say him that, just politely gestured him to do so. Alec gave me exact same one without showing him that it was just water and gave him a glass of Jack Daniels. He winked at me after doing so and went to the other end of the bar and started chatting with a guy that is apparently gay like him and I could sense from his body language that both of them found each other really attractive. Goodbye, Felix!

On my side I couldn't say my company was so good looking but it didn't take me long to find a feature of him that reminded me of Mike. It was his nose with the exact same tip. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about touching it but I didn't want to interact with him physically in front of all my servers. I wanted to give the impression that I refused him.

_- You're the only women I saw that drinks this smooth, you almost drank twice as me but I feel dizzy and you, there's no sign that you drank. I've been watching you for a while, I must say I'm impressed._

_- That's not the only thing I'm good at._

_- Tell me about that._

_- I eat men like air._

_- Ooookay. Guess I got the wrong signals. _He attempted to leave his barstool.

_- Maybe I'm keeping the signals for another place._ I said cocking my head to his side.

_- You don't like it here? I think it's great._

_- No, not at all, can we go somewhere else?_

_- My place or your place. _He said with a small chuckle in the end.

_- Not my place, definitely, you're staying here?_

_- No, not really but I want to take you somewhere else before._

_- Why don't we just go to your place straight?_

_- You should really see this place._

_- OK then but don't let us take too long, maybe it will kill my buzz._

_- I won't let it die. Don't worry. _

I could see his eyes sparkle with desire. I wish I could feel that to a stranger. Mine was a strange pull to him, not even to him maybe , to his nose. Some of them even wants to see me afterwards, try to arrange dates, in the cases that I couldn't make them sleep before I go, but I don't even want to see their faces after I'm done with them. I don't even let my mind memorize their names, it was just trivia to me. And of course I don't tell them my original name. I was Marie with them and was Bella when I'm with Jacob as I thought of these I remembered I didn't remember exchanging names, it was good , I didn't have to fake it as Marie.

I stopped when I saw him slowing to a top in front of a nightclub, Volturi. In the most basic way I hated this place, it was filled with underage socialites and nothing more than a fancily named and decorated shithole. I didn't wanna go to a place where people do drugs in VIP booths and have sex in front of everyone. I wanted to protest but he needed some more alcohol so I didn't say a word.

As soon as we got in loud , cheap music filled my ears. I eyed the whole place, and caught a glimpse of that spiky haired socialite dancing with a circle of hot men around her, with her drink in her hand. I was pretty sure her name was starting with an A but I couldn't remember. I imagined if I could work that hairstyle or not. Only she could work that.

I told him to buy a whole bottle of wine and let him know that my buzz was suffering before he rushed to the bar area. He came back with triumphant face , and placed his arm on my waist as we walked out. I saw that socialite leaving the place too, she used the back door to avoid paparazzi. A tall man was accompanying her. I told my company to drive us to his place

As he drove I drank a huge sip from the bottle . He looked at me with that impressed eyes again and with with a huge grin on his lips . He took the bottle and drank another sip. Normally I wouldn't let him drink while I'm on the car but he seemed like a clinger and wouldn't let me go unless I get him drunk enough.

He drove fast, without talking, he was so focused on getting laid with a girl like me, I'm not saying this to bloat, but even he knows I'm way out of his league. We walked to the elevator with drunk steps, but I was faking it and he was really drunk, he couldn't even wait til the elevator doors close, he cupped my waist and started kissing me with his alcohol filled breath. I led his head to my neck and he went on kissing there, I just wasn't comfortable with kissing these men on the mouth, it was something I kept special to Jacob and myself. He pushed me off to the wall, with both of his hands traveling around my body. I took another sip from the bottle, I almost drank half of it myself, even if I seem to be a smooth drinker from outside, I'm easily wasted.

It took very long for us to get to the floor he lived and he used that time well, never breaking the touch even when opening the door. Once we are in he was unstoppable. I can't remember in which part of this my handbag got thrown away, but I remember stopping to drink the whole bottle and joining him in the room while he were undressing himself. He caught me where he left and with his hands on the hem of my dress he quickly removed it, we were also moving forward to the bed, on the last step he lifted me from the ground and I hitched my legs around his waist. Last thing I remember is him getting ready to rip my bra from the middle and me yelling at him for it. I didn't like my clothes getting ripped.

The rest is still unclear, and I was pretty impressed with my memory for not remembering the whole process this time. Usually I am left with spotless storyline of the night haunting me the next day.

Bleeeeeep!

Annoying sound of the alarm clock woke Jake a little bit, it never succeeds to wake him up completely, he always needs me getting involved. I move my hand aound his bare warm chest, and call his name with affection in every note.

He flipped us over to make himself the one on top, and placed himself between my legs. I never get to understand where he finds this energy to do this every morning, and how he keeps his buzz this powerful all the time. _ Maybe he loves you stupid. _ But I wasn't ready to fulfill him yet so I politely remove him after a quick kiss , at least make an attempt to remove him, it's not in my power to force him into anything with my tiny size anyways. He got up from bed murmuring some complaints but he went to the shower without saying anything out loud.

- Good morning to you, too, Honey! He yelled from the shower. I fought back the urge to go join him there. Quickly got up from bed and started preparing breakfast for the champion. 3 eggs and a lot of bacon.


	5. the Aftermath and Fascination

**_I am truly sorry to having kept my readers waiting but it's been hell of a hectic month for me. Finaly, fifth chapter has arrived and I hope you all like it._**

**As always this chapter is dedicated to my one and only Kevin and Burntcore.**

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It's been 3 months since he left and everything on the surface is the same. Every night I sit on the same barstool, drink the same beverage, thinking about the same things over and over. It was September when he left, now it's almost the end of December. Now I do everything we did together alone, I even go to the movies by myself. Most difficult part is sleeping alone, I get night terrors most of the time, in the very little sleep I succeed to have. Of course we talked like two civilians in the beginning but it was mostly small talk and legal things about him transferring his share in our apartment to me. Yes, he is that much a gentleman, he never brought out that subject again and didn't make things difficult for me, he didn't even came himself to take his stuff, he sent Quil and two or three transport guys. Even Quil was nice to me, I can bet 100K he didn't tell him what a horrible person I am. They took care of everything when I was at the restaurant, one morning the apartment belonged to Jake and I, the next he was all gone. Sometimes I even think he expected this kind of a thing from me, because all I told you happened in one week, all organized perfectly. Don't think I blame him for being ready for such a thing, actually I am deeply sorry for him to live through such a thing because the same amount that my life changed, his life changed, too. I am used to leaving places, leaving people but he isn't. I didn't call him after all these stuff were taken care of. I don't want to ruin his existence with mine anymore.

What I did in those 3 months is basically bullshit. I ran my errands, went to work everyday, and didn't skip a single appointment at the salon. As I told you everything is perfect on the surface. What I thought through that time is another tale. First I was dead mad at myself for putting him through such things, at the same time I was sorry for him, then I seriously thought about killing myself, but every time I thought of this Charlie came to my mind and I came back to life. In the end I just accepted who I am as I am and felt sorry for only myself. Jake can take care of himself. I am the one who is disabled without someone keeping me erect.

What is really interesting about those 3 months is I didn't have sex with anyone. I almost think the curse on me was over. Men came over to offer me drinks; I tuned them down with the same line, sometimes after a drink or two. I saw some men resembled me of Mike but somehow I managed to turn them down. Either I'm getting stronger or God decided to do me favor by healing me.

I bought a lot of new clothes to fill Jake's section in our closet. In the first few weeks our apartment was a mess, I hired a maid but after two weeks I fired her. After she's gone I threw away little things that they forgot to take like his toothbrush and his mug changed the curtains of the whole apartment and redecorated the living room and the bedroom. It was difficult to give up on the bed that I got used to in all those years but I adapted. I bought a smaller one. Like in the days of college. I did some changes in the restaurant, too. I expanded the bar area by buying the little shop next to us, too. Now I employ two other barmen than Alec. Jane is still catty but she takes care of TLC when I'm away so I still didn't fire her. There were some red decorations around the old bar area, I changed them with all black ones. Now it's all black with somber lighting, I changed the uniforms too.

Like you have seen, I adapted. Like I always did. I started where I left before Jake came into my life. It means I erased 3 years of development in one night. But it's okay. I can get used to. Like I always did. The only thing that annoys me nowadays is that two skanks living on my building named Jess and Lauren or something like that. I don't how they know each other but I see them with Quil sometimes and if this is not enough they giggle behind my back like junior high. He is still nice to me, though.

Only time I cracked is on November 11th when I called Charlie and cried like someone died on the phone for absolutely nothing. He flew here the next morning to check on me found me on the living room floor all wasted , make up messed up but I persuaded him that it was one my tantrums I used to have when I was a kid, when he asked about Jake I just told him we broke up. He understood but he was thankful that it was just one night, I wasn't certainly like when Mike left. He left after two days and went back to his stepchildren and Sue. And his second love in his life, his job. He became a workaholic after Renee's death.

It's another Friday night, it's almost 11 PM and I already turned down two men the restaurant is still flowing with people. I am sitting on my usual barstool with huge folders of financial document before me. Before Alec takes them back to my office I take a one last look. They're all done. I order Alec to come take them. He nods from the other side of the bar; he's flirting with the guests as always. He takes them away quickly and brings me water in a martini glass. My eyes scope around the place to find out if there's someone familiar, nope there's no one I know around. I play with the hem of my dress a little bit, I like how saitn feels under my fingers but my nails mostly get stuck on my opaque black pantyhose and I don't want to ruin them. I draw circles with my heels on the ground, and that kinds of things, I am completely away from where I stand right now. I think about taking a week off and going to tropic islands or somewhere like that, or maybe Aegean islands. Exactly when I was on the part of swimming naked in the night I hear a velvety voice behind me.

There is a tall muscular man behind me who's about to sit on the barstool next to me. It all happens in the slow motion, I examine every part of him in two third of a minute. In the somber lighting of where we stand he seems to have worn all black.. A geometrically knitted sweater which embraces him in all the right places, slick black trousers and elegant shoes, _either he has a really stylish girlfriend or he's really into quality clothing because everything on him are timeless pieces, simple but carefully chosen._ Although I have to say, even if he worn a sack, it would look good on his angelic figure. His tousled bronze hair shines even in this light, it's such a beautiful mess. He's no less than Michelangelo's David. With a warm but perturbed smile.

-Either those were water or you're about to go into a coma.

-Excuse me?

-I'm sorry , it's Edward.

He extends his hand.

-Bella, aaand?

Without thinking I extend my hand too and shake his hand. His hands are extremely soft for a man and his fingers are almost marble, long and smoothly white, like I said he's a walking sculpture. I almost don't want to let go of his hand. He sits on the barstool next to me.

-Um, I've been watching you from the corner and this is your sixth glass.

-You don't go into a coma with six martinis.

-All right, I'm sorry I bothered you, it's just I've been worried.

He creases his eyebrows and it creates a beautiful image.

-You shouldn't worry about every stranger drinking alone.

I am definitely faking; I am not annoyed in the least bit. He's so politely worried, if there's a definition like this exists. He's so polite in his gestures and his words.

-No.

He talks like an actor who knows his lines by heart.

-No, what?

But I didn't know mine at all.

-We just met you're Bella.

He extends his hands with a gesture pointing me.

-And Bella drinks a lot, so you think you know me.

-Not quite, but it's a good start I guess.

-You know what; people comment on my drinking habits a lot lately, what they don't know is….

-Yes.

He gestures me to go on with his hand, I can't describe how effective he uses his limbs. He almost dances when he does that.

-I don't drink at all.

He did that eyebrow thing again, and it's getting prettier.

-You were right, those were water.

I didn't hesitate the least bit about giving myself away.

-But why? You seem pretty legal.

_Thanks for the compliment._

-Yes, I am.

-So you're a good actor.

If I were acting at all, it would be all improvised because I can't even think about what to say, he lures the words out of my mouth so easily.

-Not actually, Jake says I can't lie.

_Why am I bringing up Jake?_

-He's wrong; you seem to lie pretty well.

-How can you possibly know that?

I can't stop myself from teasing him. I want to see that thing he does with his eyebrows.

-Yeah you're right if you're that good a liar I wouldn't have tell, but I'm betting on you're a good actor and that's not the only thing you're good at.

He attaches little gestures at the end of every sentence.

-Like what?

_Does he analyze me too, __like I do now?_

-You tell me.

-I eat men like air.

_Oldest trick in my book, __Sylvia, my old friend._

-Oh, so you're good at literature, too.

_S__o you're good at literature, too._

-You know the line?

-Yes, miss. It's Sylvia Plath's Lady Lazarus.

Sometimes he speaks like he's from another time.

-I use this line towards a lot of men and you're the first one who recognized it.

-So you use her poetry to turn people down. She would be proud.

Now he exceeds to a playful look on his eyes.

-I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind, though I must say I'm impressed.

-I think I am too.

He does a thing that he never did, a spectacular crooked smile. It takes me away for a second or two but I come back. Even his smile makes me dizzy. _What am I a teenage girl? Or what is he? a God came to the world to play tricks on mortals?_

-Well what do you do other than faking alcoholism?

-Um, I own a restaurant

-What's its name is it around here?

He's almost, excited.

-Actually you're in it right now.

I mimicked his gestures to show him around.

-Really, you own this place? I mean it's great, I love this place.

_Now, I am excited._

-You come here a lot?

-I can't say I do, I come here once every three months or so. But I tell about this place to everyone I know around here.

_Can I get any more excited? I wasn't this hyperventilating when we got our first positive review from a famous magazine._

-I'm really glad somebody likes it here other than me.

-Oh come on, look around. It's past dinnertime and there are more than 100 people present. They can't be coming here just to see your face, do they?

He holds my chin gently to turn me around; it's more like touching a lightning.

-I don't know whether to take this as a compliment, you say this place is better than my face.

-No, I wouldn't dare to say something like that. By the way, what is LTC?

Crooked smile strikes again, I can't think of anything else. Somehow I gather my thought and tell Alec to bring the silk napkins that we give to our special guests. The ones that have La Tua Cantante written in metallic baby blue on black.

-La Tua Cantante. A singer. So you sing too. A true multitalented individual.

-So you speak Italian?

-Not exactly. Io canto in Italiano.

-You're a singer?

He already speaks as if he's singing.

-Um, I used to sing; now I only do it in the shower. I'm a pianist.

-Are you kind of a big shot?

-I hope I'm not.

-You play that bad?

-I suck.

_How can he be this humble and why didn't I guess it from __his fingers that he's a pianist? _

-Can I buy our next round?

_Actually it's our first round together._

-No it's on the house.

-A real martini?

-Yes, and scotch for you.

I wave to Alec to come over and order our drinks, he chuckles when I order a real martini and does his little dance to congratulate me. Of course Edward didn't see that.

-How did you know?

-I just guessed. You know what; a while ago another man approached me with the same line.

-What happened to him?

-He left after Lady Lazarus.

_What __a huge lie! I slept with him and left him before he didn't even wake up.._

-So you really use the line to turn people off, I thought it was just me.

-Well, I have my routines and you're the only one who passed that line. They usually think I'm a psycho.

-So there's a lot of them.

Sad? Desperate? I can't make anything of the tone of his voice.

-Guess some people –unlike you- find me more attractive than my restaurant.

_Cover your amazement with sarcasm, right Bella._

-Why didn't you turn me down too?

It was a hard question to answer and it hit pretty hard, when I least expected it. I couldn't just get away with him knowing Lady Lazarus. Was it his voice, it was the closest thing to velvet, singing every word, or was it his crooked smile with that set of pearly teeth, it was like some artist spent years to embed little pieces of pearls on them, or was it his hypnotic green eyes, I cant believe I can still see them this clearly after I closed my eyes. It was like if i get anymore closer I could walk right into his eyes and step into a dark forest, but not a scary one, more like a fairy tale forest. _It's too green._

-I didn't know it was that hard a question, earth to Bella, are you there?

-I'm sorry it's just…

_You're different from everything I experienced through my whole __life; you overran my security walls like they were made of soap bubbles. I can take neither my mind nor my eyes off of you._

-Its okay you don't have to answer anything.

-No it's just you're different.

_How can he lure me out of my walls?_

-How?

-I don't know you approached me like everyone, like I said, but you…. That look on your face. It's like you're…

-Fascinated.

-Exactly, even I don't find myself that interesting.

_What is it to me that is interesting, even fascinating? Those were the two last adjectives I'd use for myself. Next to him I am too plain, too dull. _

-You don't see yourself clearly, there are 3 more women there on the bar, sitting alone, but men come to you. I've been watching you for almost an hour, I know it sounds creepy I don't mean to sound like a weirdo but you turned down two men before me. There's something strange about you. You shine, more like... you smolder. I don't know what gave me the courage to come talk to you but you seemed so beautifully lonely, it's like you have your own world inside your head.

_A world where nothing is as beautiful as you, everything is dull black_, _a world where a strange woman lives, even I don't know her._

-What do you mean?

-I mean I can predict almost everyone's thoughts in this room they're so tragically ordinary. You can see everything they think from their faces. But you, you give nothing away.

-I don't let anyone in?

-But you led me.

-What makes you think you're in? You just know my first name and where I work, I can be lying to you even at this moment, my name can be Marie, my accent can be fake, what do you truly know about me?

_Believe me I did these to a lot of men._

-That you're alone. I know it sounds like a cheesy movie quote but that is true.

-Are you a superhero or what, guessing right everything about me, predicting people's thoughts?

-If you're that good a liar I can be one, too Bella. What if I'm not the hero, what if I'm the bad guy?

-You give so much away, unlike me, you're good and it comes from inside.

You give so much away with even your smile; you can't even hurt an insect.

-You don't know anything about me, too. OK?

_That sad look again, why him being sad makes me almost cry?_

-I'm sorry for being this cynical, how bad can you be? Let's start over.

_I __want to believe in you angel, even it lasts for only tonight._

-Can I buy you a drink, Miss?

-Yes, mister.

-I'm Edward Cullen.

I don't know if I can handle to touch him again.

-Bella Swan.

-Excuse me, a martini for her and Scotch on the rocks for me.

Alec seemed really confused; he had the look "I already know that".

-So what brought you here on a Friday night?

-I have a sister that lives just around the corner. My parents sent me to take care of her.

-How old is she?

-Just 21.

-A wild child?

-Maybe you know her, her name is Alice.

-Alice Cullen, that spiky haired socialite? I'm sorry I didn't mean to call her a socialite, you don't look alike, she's very little and you're big and muscular.

-You said that like an insult! For the first time in my life I get blamed for looking good.

-And you say I don't see myself clearly, you definitely look better than me, that woman sits right next to the window watches you over her partner's shoulder for like half an hour.

_Did he blush or what? Can he get any more endearing?_

-Um, I think I'm about to blush like a little girl. Let's get back to Alice.

-Sorry, what's with her, I run into her from time to time.

_I don't want to have a flashback of the night I saw her in Volturi._

-Actually she's the nicest but you know bad company. You know that lousy club Volturi?

_Of course I know that loud shithole._

-God, I hate that place!

-Alice gets too wasted one night, paparazzi snatched her, she fell and….

-I hope there's nothing too bad, is she okay?

-No, she's fine, she only had a concussion but she needs to get away from that lifestyle really fast, you know she always was the brightest one in our family, it's not how my parents raised her, it makes me really sad to see her like that. She can have a real future with that genius of her.

-I'm truly sorry for her. She's lucky to have a brother like you.

-Thanks, but I don't know how to help her.

-You just need to let her know that you're there for her. Everybody has wild phases, I mean weren't we all had some experiences like that in college?

-Actually I didn't. I was the weirdest, geekest boy you can ever see.

-I can't believe, I can't imagine in you in glasses and stuff.

-No I wasn't like that, it was just everyone saw me as that wunderkind, so talented and gifted and I wasn't that social , my mom worked really hard to hook me up with some girls but they all found me irritating.

-Don't tell me you didn't have women around since college.

-There're women around of course, but they're so monotone, so dull.

-Seems like you're the lonely one here.

-I'm a bit of a loner I guess.

I don't know what gave me the courage to touch his hand when he poured his face down, to assure him. but I touched his hand and he cocked his head to the side where our hands connected to look me deep in the eyes. It was just for a second maybe and I am not sure if he saw the same thing I did.

-That's enough of me.

I can never get enough of him and knowing the truth of this will last for one night only, knocked the breath out of me. Of all people I should've known how a little moment can change your whole life, this can change me forever.

Alec led me know that it's almost 3 AM and he's about to close the place down. How in the world could this be, if you ask me it was no more than 15 minutes, not even close to 3 hours. I guess it was time for him to turn into a pumpkin like Cinderella. I can believe in that without doubt, he was too perfect to be one of us. Of course he belonged to a fairy tale.

-I lost the track of time.

-I don't want to be persistent but can I take you to somewhere else.

-Yes, I guess, I have no one waiting for me.

_Absolutely no one._

-My car or yours?

-I can leave mine here, so let's take yours.

Alec brought us our coats, we matched. His was a little longer than mine and he looked better than me in his simple but elegant black coat, like everything he has on. They were really of good quality but they weren't shouting their designers away. They may have worth a million but you would think they were from the corner shop by his humbleness. All of his clothes, even his shoes looked like they've been molded for him only. It was colder than I expected outside, I hid my hands in my pockets as he did the same. He looked like a child waiting in the cold with his shoulders in a position like this. I tried really hard to stop myself from embracing him and protecting from the cold. It was in vain, I couldn't protect him with my petite figure anyways but he looked so little, so lonely in the cold. _You're the one who's beautifully lonely_. We got out to the valet booth, he gave his ticket. The boy brought a shiny black Aston Martin Vanquish. It was what I expected, always nobleness in his choices, he was otherworldly perfect.

-You having cold feet?

He called, holding the passenger door for me. I didn't notice him walking down the stairs, even with the silence of the night. And I don't know if it was just me or did he took a moment to take it in while I was walking down the stairs. It was the fascinated look in his face again and I could feel the blush on my face as he buried his eyes deep into mine. _I can go everywhere if he want to take me with him , I can leave everything I have here and start a new life all over, if I'm gonna be next to him. I know it sounds crazy but his existence left me nowhere to go.I was already in too deep because when I thought of his eyes, his hypnotic voice I wanted nothing more than to be with him_. I thought while killing the silence with my footsteps, surrendering to him.

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**thanks for the reviews!**


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